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Evolution of That Guy

This section showcases the evolution over the course of one night as a normal, sober guy evolves into That Guy. The visual timeline will extend left to right and end with That Guy at the beginning of the night before his misadventures in binge drinking. This timeline will illustrate the many poor decisions that one makes in order to become That Guy, and also shows how easily preventable becoming That Guy can be.

BrainMaximus
All mental functions are sharp and heightened. The world is That Guy’s video game and there are beers to bomb, shots to shoot, and women to impress. All bodily functions are working like a well-oiled machine.

SloberousSweaToomuch
Loss of personal space and voice decibel control causing unnecessary yelling and accidental spitting on peoples’ faces. Lowered inhibitions cause That Guy to talk to girls who have large and angry boyfriends who hate you about as much as they hate electric, foreign cars. That Guy’s power drinking causes him to become drunk-sentimental and gives his friends uncomfortable bear-hugs; but he is sweating excessively from the booze and soaks his friends like a wet dog.

GirlsLeavingUs
Slurred speech and compromised judgment cause miscommunications with women. Attempts at charming phrases like: “I really like your bracelet, it’s pretty,” come across as, “nice breasts.” Consequently, women avoid That Guy like smallpox and often make faces usually associated with smelling a dead skunk on the highway. He starts dancing with himself, but he looks more like a dog humping a stranger’s leg. This creates a mass exodus from the dance floor, or an expanding “quarantine zone” around That Guy, who often regresses to head-banging by himself.

Drunkus Obnoxious
Suddenly “I Punch You, You Punch Me” seems like a good game to play with his friend who outweighs him by 60 pounds. Despite his friend’s protest, That Guy punches his friend, but is only able to land a painful but weak shot to the ear. His friend quickly responds by knocking him out. That Guy finally awakes only to demand another shot and a hug. But he makes sure to do the “guy hug” so that their stomachs and “junk” never touch. Then he resumes punching his friend while hugging. “I’m hugging a dude, but also hitting him,” so it’s cool he thinks.

MotorSkillsNotWorkMuch
That Guy can no longer remember why his face hurts, but he is in pain so asks his buddy to toss him another beer. Delayed reflexes prevent him from actually grabbing at the beer until after it has already hit him in the face. Altered reality causes That Guy to think that all the women in the bar want to go home with him and misinterpret pepper spray as an invitation to have sex.

ProjectusVomitus
He searches in vain for his friends – who got fed up and left – until he feels an urgent need to relieve himself and sprint/stumbles for the bathroom. Unable to make it (or even find it), he cuts his losses and decides to pee in the dark corner of the bar instead. His blurred vision prevents him from seeing the burly bouncer in a Harley-Davidson vest and he is thrown headfirst onto the street, where he spits a few teeth and throws up for the first of many times. Somehow he makes it home, where he awakes the next morning with the cool tile of a bathroom floor pressed against his swollen, discolored cheek. He embraces the toilet while stomach erupts, repeatedly, as he pleads aloud, “please let it end.” Good times!